Why Don’t Client’s Change? Pattern #1 Part 4

Why Don't Client's Change? Pattern #1 Part 4

Alright, enough speaking. Let me give you some

practical stuff. The first pattern, the first

pattern I see in clients is what we call in the

patterns of chronicity is the 3 stage abreaction.

Now I don't see all five of these patterns with

every client, but I'll definitely see three

or four and a high percentage of them I will see five.

So some of these you're going to identify and

you're going to know another one. You're going

to be like, I'm not quite sure if I've seen that

Luke, but the first one I see almost all the time

is the 3 step Abreaction and it goes a

bit like this. Before client comes to see me,

they're filled out a big screening form, all

right, so I've seen if that's the kind of person

I want to work with. Also, I've done a screening

telephone call. I spoke to him for an hour for

free to make sure that I can help them, and they're

going to be a good client. So I already know before

I've taken any money if I can help them or not.

And if I can't help him, I'm going to respectfully decline.

I only want to work with people that I think I'm

going to have some kind of agency, some kind

of influence in a positive way to help them.

So three- step abreaction. It goes a bit like this.

This is how you can identify it, and it's a technique

clients will use most of the time, unconsciously,

to manipulate us, to pull us into their victim story.

And I'm not suggesting that they're doing it consciously.

Oftentimes they're not even aware of it. But

this is one of the underpinned, structured

structures that keep their problem in place.

So it goes a bit like this client shows up 15 minutes late.

For the session. Hey, John. What happened? Ohh Luke

Yeah, I don't wanna talk about it. That's the

first stage. I don't wanna talk about it. Yeah,

but we need a four hour to do all the work and to

do good quality work here. So I'm just curious what happened.

Look I told you I don't wanna talk about. I'm

getting angry. Second stage, they get angry emotion.

They've given us a warning and unconscious

warning the first time. Don't want to talk about it.

Second stage is some emotion starts to get into it.

Now, if you keep pushing at this point, yeah,

but we really need the hour. What was more important

than working on your sobriety? Listen, I told

you, don't keep talking about. You're making me angry.

Listen, if you keep talking about, I'm gonna leave.

Or I'm going to throw that water on you. Or I'm

going to get really, really, really angry and

upset with you. And this happens in a lot of areas

because I would find often times if I hit a nerve

in the session, it was almost like this particular

pattern was a way to that they felt to preserve themselves.

But oftentimes our clients, and again not consciously

but unconsciously, they've learned a certain

set of behaviours to control or manipulate

situations around them. And they may have learned

it just because they wanted to feel more safety

or security and it may have served them at some point.

But when it comes to change work, therapy, whatever

you want to call the kind of work that we do, it's not good.

So when I would work with a lot of other hypnotists

and healers, they would be scared. They'd be

scared to challenge their client because they

didn't want to break rapport, right? We're

always told we've got to have a rapport with

our clients to get change, and if I if I challenge

them too much on this issue, it's going to break report.

Also, we live in a society now where everyone's

leaving reviews all the time and you could do

great work, but if you get a shitty review it

can hurt your business, right? So now you want

to be authentic, but you also don't want to push

it too hard. Because you don't want to get a bad

review, so then you stop. We're coming in at

100% and you start operating at about 50% because

you're scared if you actually challenge them,

it's gonna break report and they're not gonna

like you anymore. I realized a long time ago

it's OK to piss people off and get quite comfortable

at pissing people off because my intention

was always to help them. And if I had to metaphorically

slap them to get that change because that's

what they were paying me for, then that's what

I was gonna do. Cause I realized by playing small,

by playing soft and not bringing something

up, because that wasn't the issue that they

came with then I wasn't really serving them.

And then I would have these battles. Yeah, you

know what I see that pattern, that free stage abreaction.

If I don't nuke it, if I don't deal with it. Now,

this has the potential to derail this whole session.

This work, they're not gonna change. And guess

what? They're not gonna take responsibility.

That's another pattern we'll talk about in

a little bit. But they're going to blame me.

So I'd have to call it out straight away. And

I'm going to tell you a little bit later on about

how I call that out, but that's the first pan

anyone ever experienced that of the client

any does that ring true for anyone, anyone ever

identified? Yeah, a few people, fair enough.

And that's just the way that you see it. But there's

other ways you might see it, but it's generally.

I don't like what you're doing to me. Stop. And

we're not talking about you doing so bad to them.

But it's again, a control mechanism. Second

one, I told you, if you keep doing that, it's

gonna make me really upset and I'm gonna cry.
So stop asking me those difficult questions,

alright? Because I'm. I'm gonna cry. All right,

listen, I'm upset. Stop asking me about. I'm

gonna cry and I'm gonna leave out. I'm gonna

leave you a bad review as well. Three stage

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